I am overwhelmed. It's only the 2nd day of classes but I feel so much anxiety and stress. I'm teaching a new class this semester; a fusion ballet/contemporary class. I'm doubting my ability to do it. I've been teaching ballet for the past 2 years, and I feel very stale in my contemporary movement abilities. For some reason I've never felt very good at creating new and original movement. It is very difficult for me. I just hope I'm able to do better as I get more used to it. It was only the first day today and I'm already feeling so insecure and inadequate. I'm not quite sure why they wanted me to teach the class. Maybe they made a mistake.
I'm also working a lot longer than last semester. MWF I teach only from 12-1:30pm, but TTh I teach from 12-5pm. I don't know how so many mothers out there can handle working full-time. I know most of those who do don't really have a choice, but I still don't know how they do it. If we didn't need extra income right now, since Mike is in school, I would be home full-time without a second thought. Being gone from Curtis for more than 5 hours a day is already extremely hard for me.
Last night as I was getting Curtis ready for bed I just snuggled him and told him I was sorry that I had to go to work. I don't want to have to go to work. I hate being away from him. I couldn't help but cry. We had a very sweet moment together. He was very calm and looked up at me straight in the eyes for a few minutes. He has a very mature spirit. He gently touched my face and just smile up at me. Almost as if saying, "it's okay mom, I love you, and I know it'll only be for a few months." I love that little boy so much more than I could ever describe. I look forward to the day when I will be able to stay home all day with him.
I know I shouldn't wish time away, but April 20th is sounding really nice right about now....
