Beauty

This post isn't incredibly organized, and has a few different main subjects, but I had to get thoughts out today.

I'm feeling judgmental today, and it's just not good. I feel sadness, self pity, 

some regret, and anger. I feel gratitude, respect, love, and peace. 

I don't understand. I don't understand the world. I don't understand immodesty. I don't understand the weird trends we have in the world today. I don't understand the obsession with glamor photos and the idolization of "beauty." I don't understand why these things are made to be so appealing. I blame the world. I blame the media. I blame the ever growing image that women need to be "unique, bold, and perfect." It makes me sad. Women don't need to be stick thin, or to show skin. They don't need to be tan, they don't need big breasts, they don't need globs of makeup all over their faces. They don't need to draw attention to themselves by dressing in weird, trendy clothing.

I grew up as a very modest child. I wouldn't wear anything that went lower than my collar bone--and that's not an exaggeration. However, now that I'm grown, I'm not innocent of wanting some of those things that the world tells us we need. I admit that I often wish I had a more interesting and unique style. I sometimes wish I could pull off trendy. I often (probably daily) think about being thin. I grew up around stick thin ballerinas and would constantly tell myself (and hear from others), "if only I/you were thinner." My success was based on my body weight...which meant that I pretty much failed in every dancing goal (obviously I know that's not true, but that's what I was taught to believe).  Also, it's not fun to be the "white" one in the family (although I'm sure in 50 years my siblings will wish they'd stayed out of the sun). I often wish my hair were different (like my sister's), that my face were thinner (like my sister's), that my arms were thinner (like my sister's), that I had a smaller chest (like my sister's), that my legs were longer (like my sister's), that I had tanner skin (like my sister's). Yes, often I wish I had my sister's body. But you know what? As I've grown up, gotten married, prepared to be a mother, and found greater happiness in my life, I've learned that the world's idea of beauty is skin deep. I've learned that it really doesn't matter if I'm as thin as my sister, or as tan as my brothers, or as outgoing as my husband. It doesn't matter if people want to look at me, or want to be me, or want to be around me.

As this woman puts it, 

I am not my body 

I wish I could help more women realize this. Our body is an instrument, and a wonderful gift. We have bodies to help each other, to learn, to work, to experience mortality, to have relationships, to have children, to create, to develop talents.  I am sad when our bodies become idols and icons. I am sad when I see women using their bodies for attention. The judgmental side of me sees this happening far too often.

It's hard for me to see tight pants, short skirts, tight shirts, trendy hair, and too much makeup on women (married women especially). I want to give them a big shoulder shake and say, "Woman! Wake-up! You don't need all that makeup, and you don't need to show your legs so much. If you'd wear looser jeans you'd be more comfortable, and so would everyone else who keeps wanting to look at your rear-end. You are beautiful the way you are."

And women are beautiful. Women can take care of themselves, do their hair, keep themselves clean, wear current clothing, and still be modest and beautiful. I'm grateful for the examples I've had from a beautifully modest mother, modest aunts, and modest grandmothers. I'm grateful for the knowledge I have of true beauty. I'm grateful that I never struggled to understand modesty, and that I never had to fight the desire to be immodest. I'm grateful that I appreciate natural beauty. I'm grateful that I appreciate femininity. I'm grateful to be a woman.