38 Weeks

(Photo taken by my sister-in-law, Rachel Kitto)

With only 13 days left until d-day, it's hard to think about anything else! I've found myself staying surprisingly busy, especially since I'm not teaching. My days, as of late, have consisted of cleaning, organizing, running errands, cleaning some more, organizing some more, doing laundry, doing dishes, and thinking a lot about how much my life will change within the next (hopefully) two weeks. I wanted to write about a few things that have been on my mind.

First of all, I am continuously more and more grateful for my husband! I thank Heavenly Father every day for blessing me with such a loyal, patient, supportive, hard-working, fun, handsome, helpful, sweet husband who I continue to love more than I thought was possible! Mike has been working such long days since I'm not working right now, and he never complains about it. Ever. He always has a smile on his face when he leaves in the morning, and he always has a smile when he gets home. I can't wait to see him with our son, to see him love and teach our little boy. He really will be the BEST father any child could ever wish for. He is the best husband any woman could wish for, and I often wonder how in the world I was lucky enough to get him. 

It's hard to imagine how different life is going to be. Sometimes when I'm up in the middle of the night I ask myself, "am I ready to be waking up multiple times to feed a little baby?" I don't know if I am ready, but I also know that I'll only be ready by experiencing it. There's just no way to really prepare for the changes to come. However, amidst my anxiety of change, I am SO excited for the change. I'm excited to move onto this new (and eternal) part of life and existence. I feel so grateful to be experiencing pregnancy, and soon experiencing birth and raising a child. I know many women will never have this opportunity in mortality, and I feel even more grateful that I am blessed enough to experience it in this earth life. 

Thinking about birth itself has me more nervous than ever. Knowing that it's inevitably coming is quite unnerving. I'm honestly terrified, as much as I don't want to admit it.  I'm afraid of the pain, of the recovery, and of the drastic changes my body will be going through soon. I'm also really excited for the experience, and I just keep praying for a safe, healthy baby, and as few complications as possible. People ask me often if I'm getting an epidural. The answer: probably. I don't have strong feelings one way or the other. I've never experienced labor pain before, and I'll plan to make a decision once I feel the pain. I think it's more manageable for some women, and I just don't really know if I'll be one of them. My pain tolerance isn't extremely high, but sometimes I think we as women surprise ourselves with how strong we really are. 

I'm nervous of the hospital we're going to, because I hear so many differing stories and opinions. Obviously there will be positive and negative experiences in every hospital, but it's disconcerting to hear the negative ones. We're taking a tour tonight and hopefully I'll feel more calm after that.

I've also gotten a lot of questions about how my pregnancy has been. Easy? Hard? Uncomfortable? Cravings? My ultimate answer...it hasn't been nearly as bad as everyone made it sound, which is another reason I feel greatly blessed. I wasn't sick much. I had few, if any, cravings. My emotions (for the most part) stayed in check. It's not nearly as hot as everyone says. Weight gain hasn't been fun, but I don't feel incredibly different. I'm still able to move fairly comfortably. I have been able to do most daily tasks and chores without being inhibited. My feet have just barely started to swell at 38 weeks. I can still wear my wedding rings (but only one at a time). All in all, being pregnant took a long time...but I can honestly say I (mostly) enjoyed it. 

What am I most excited for? The biggest thing is to see what our son looks like. I haven't been able to picture his face, other than picturing him looking like a Mini-Mike. I wonder if his face will seem familiar. I wonder if he'll really recognize my voice. I wonder what his personality will be like. I wonder how good of a sleeper he'll be. I wonder if nursing will be hard for me. I wonder if I'll feel the instant love and connection to him that I'm hoping to have. I wonder if I'll welcome visitors or prefer solitude. I wonder how much he'll weigh. I wonder if he'll have lots of hair. I wonder if I'll cry when I see him for the first time. I wonder if he'll really look like a certain name. I wonder what it will really feel like to be a mother. 

thirteen days before life changes forever

*Keep scrolling to see the nursery reveal