I'm officially exhausted.
It's all I can do not to just burst into tears sometimes.
I have a permanent headache.
I have a permanent headache.
I'm sick of night-time feedings, and I know they're far from over.
I feel bad when I wake up and I'm angry that I have to get up.
I feel horrible when I'm frustrated at my beautiful 3 week old boy.
He can't help it.
Sometimes I even get mad at Mike that he gets to sleep,
which is so stupid because there's nothing he can do about it.
I wouldn't want him to be tired too.
He has to work all day.
which is so stupid because there's nothing he can do about it.
I wouldn't want him to be tired too.
He has to work all day.
Curtis still sleeps almost all day long. Today he's been awake maybe 3-4 hours.
I've tried everything to keep him awake, but it makes me even more exhausted.
So far everything is pretty unsuccessful,
and as a result I can hardly keep my eyes open.
and as a result I can hardly keep my eyes open.
We've tried baths, music, walks, cold wash cloths, changing the diaper,
changing clothes, playing with toys, dancing, talking, singing.
Nothing works.
Being a mom is hard.
I want to be happy.
I feel so anxious thinking that it's not getting any better.
I have a lot of anxiety.
It's hard to be positive.
It's hard to please everyone.
I love Curtis so much, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
I love being a mom.
My life is so much more meaningful.
But, this is hard.
Oh my gosh, AMEN!! AH! I am so glad I am not alone. Cason just started getting reflux-y, super gassy, and cant even lay down anymore before he pulls his legs up in pain. I have changed everything in my diet and still dont know what is wrong. Ugh. I know how you feel about mid night feedings. At least Mike is there to support you. What made THE biggest difference was having Rog do one midnight feeding with a bottle. It sounds so mean and awful but it makes YOU a whole new woman. Try it ONCE. You wont regret it.
ReplyDeleteBeing a mom is SOOO wonderful, BUT SOOOO hard at the same time. There is nothing more rewarding and so exhausting (physically and emotionally) at the same time.
ReplyDeleteIT WILL GET BETTER soon he will be sleeping through the night or at least longer through the night.
All 3 of my kids I have had Darins help, even at the early morning feedings. He wakes up, gets them, changes them if they needed it and then passes them off to me. Then he goes back to sleep. He wanted to do this so I didn't argue!
TAKE NAPS. If he is asleep during the day, you should be as well! Don't feel you have to do everything just let it be and take care of you and your body.
For the first month or two it would be a miracle if I ever got ready before Darin got home from work. No one is expecting you to be all dolled up.
Kelly makes a good point of maybe having Mike take one of the feedings at night. Try white noises (like a fan or quite soft music) while he is sleeping, this could help him stay asleep longer. This is what has worked with our last baby. We always have the same fan on for any real nap he is taking. Also try to get on a schedule (as hard as it is).
Is he waking you up to eat at night or are you waking him up? If you are waking him up DON'T. I know the books say they have to eat every 3-4 hours, but if they aren't waking up to eat then they aren't hungry so let them sleep (best advice I ever got!)
We also kept all our kids up with us late (since I am a night owl anyway) So all my babies would go to sleep around 11-12. Once they slept through the night then I would start putting them to bed a little earlier (9ish). Sorry for so many suggestions, I do feel your pain and can only promise you it will get better. What works for one baby may not work for another so just try everything. Don't give up. You are loved by many don't forget that and most if they can will be there for you if you need them (((HUG)))
Must just be something about today, because I've been having these same feelings :( After only 4 hours of sleep last night I about couldn't handle my kids. Having a 3 year old too just tops it off. Hang in there! It DOES get easier and your baby will get into a schedule eventually. Hang in there, you're definitely not the only mom to ever feel this way!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are so tired Rach! I feel your pain (or exhaustion). ;-) We had absolutely no help when we had Bria from anyone so it hit us (especially me) pretty hard and I had a lot of the same feelings that you do. My mom told me for weeks, "It gets better, I promise." I pretty much didn't believe her because it felt like it never did and then all of a sudden it really did! Luckily, Bria was sleeping 8-12 hours a night at a few weeks old but I believe moms are always tired no matter what! It really will get better. I just had to remind myself frequently that how things were at the time, were not permanent and there was only good changes to come and that helped a bit.
ReplyDeleteMy pediatrician once told me that babies are born with their days and nights confused. You just have to help them with them sleep training and have a strict bedtime schedule as soon as they come home from the hospital so they begin to recognize when it's bedtime and eventually they grow out of it.
I think you are doing such a wonderful job as a mom! Everything will smooth out soon, I promise! :-) If you ever need anything, I'm not that far and I would love to help out. Just let me know!
Oh Rachel, I read this and thought, "did I write this post without knowing it?" because this is EXACTLY how I have felt. I was able to slip out to Spencer's reunion in between feedings last weekend and everyone kept saying, "Isn't it the greatest?!" It made me feel bad because, as much as I am grateful for these experiences, it has been really hard. Everyone says that it gets easier, and little by little it has. Once Preston's eating/awake/sleep seemed to settle a little we got into a groove and I was able to find some time for myself. Which for me, was really important. It still isn't easy, but I can tell it is getting better.
ReplyDeleteWe can do this!
ah I'm so sorry! But just know you're not alone. I"m sure you've already done this, but I always need a reminder, but pray for strength and guidance for yourself and how to help your little guy. I went through those exact same emotions I may have commented about this already, but there were a few nights where I would just cry and cry when I was feeding warren in the middle of the night because he would stay awake for three hours and nothing I could do would help him fall back asleep. I was frustrated and angry. It DOES get better. Warren had his nights and days mixed up but he did turn it around. I tried to hide my frustration and tears during the night, but sometimes you need help & support from your hubby. Don't be scared to get his help at night, I didn't want to wake up Seth ever because of the same reasons. YOU CAN DO IT GIRL! I'm sure you're an AMAZING mommmy and Curtis LOVES you to pieces for all you're doing and caring for him.
ReplyDeleterach. i love this. hard things are so good for us in the long run, but oh how it can stretch us in the moment. thanks for being so open and honest. love you! positive vibes your way.
ReplyDeleteRachel,
ReplyDeleteThis flood of memories just came over me as I remember thinking/feeling every single thing that you said. The thing that SAVED me/us: Will little Curtis take a bottle? Around three weeks I started pumping and Ryan would get up with him the first time he woke up in the night. That guaranteed that I could get about 5 hours of sleep straight and it made ALL the difference in the world. I know husbands have to work all day - but so do Moms. Maybe he can get up and change the diaper and bring you the baby in bed? Somehow it makes a huge difference if you don't physically have to get out of bed. I'm sorry the beginning can be SO hard!! It's not always so blissful but then those things go away and you realize that your little baby went away with them as well. Thanks for being so honest. Hang in there!
PS have you ever looked at BabyWise? That helped us get Will on a schedule so his days and nights were correct and I think it's the most blessed book on the planet.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure that every new Mom feels this way at some point. I remember the feeling of being frustrated with Boston at aout 4 weeks which he was still waking up every two hours. It will get better with time and believe me the first time he drops a night feeding and you get 4-5 hours straight you will feel like a new women. I love your honesty you are such a great Mommy.
ReplyDeleteI ditto what Mare said, thanks for being so open and honest. And I am sending best wishes your way too.!
ReplyDeleteeverything i read freaks me out! good luck and good luck to me too!
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