Silly Boy. . .

It's been a whirlwind this past two weeks. In a way, I feel like I've had Curtis with us for a really long time. Even though I hadn't really seen him until two weeks ago, I feel like I've known him a lot longer than that. His face and spirit are so familiar to me. I couldn't imagine him being any different than he is.

Being a mom has been wonderful. It's been hard, exhausting, entertaining, 

relaxing, scary, uncomfortable, and exciting. 

Things have definitely changed around our house. I know it's a change for the better. I find myself feeling extremely anxious about the future. He's already changing so much after two short weeks, and I already miss my tiny newborn boy. I'm realizing more and more how fast time goes, which has made me grateful to have time every day to spend with Curtis as he's growing and changing. 

I really miss my husband. I didn't think having a baby would change the dynamic of our relationship so much. But it has. When he gets home from work I'm usually so tired and ready for bed, which is hard when we haven't had any time together during the day. I imagine it's just going to get harder and more busy with school starting soon, and it makes me sad to think about. It also makes me happy to have this time with (a little) less to think about. I feel like a witch wife lately. I haven't been very nice to be around. I'm still so emotional and find myself crying for no real reason at all. I wasn't emotional during pregnancy, so I guess I had to make up for it sometime. 

It's been a great experience to see how I'm changing, and how different things are with a little baby. I realize now that little things can be a big accomplishment. Like showering before noon, folding the laundry within 3 days of it being finished, vacuuming at all, making dinner, running errands (this requires a lot of preparation), or making the bed with one hand. It's funny how productive I feel if I even do one or two of these things a day. It's been hard to let my house "go" more than I'd like. 

I'm feeling more at home in my body, although it certainly doesn't look like my old body anymore. I'm hoping it will get there eventually. I start teaching this month, and I sure wish I could be back in shape by then. It's hard to teach ballet when you don't really look in shape (it seems a bit hypocritical doesn't it?). But obviously I know it takes time, and my students will hopefully be forgiving and help motivate me. I gained a bit too much weight during this pregnancy (good lesson for next time), but luckily a lot has come off already. I've lost 25 lbs so far, and I have 15 lbs till pre-prego weight, and 25 lbs till my goal weight. I'm in the process of deciding how in the world I'll have time to exercise in the fall. I will teach 2-3 hours each day at BYU, and I'll have a sitter during that time. Ideally I'd love to run and take ballet class for another 1.5 hours, but I think that's too long to be away from Curtis, and too long to wait to nurse. I suppose I could pump before the ballet class, but I still think I'd miss him too much. I think I'll just end up doing my mom's 80's Jane Fonda aerobics tape. Classic. 

Curtis has his days and nights mixed up. He slept for nearly 7 HOURS yesterday afternoon, from 12pm till 7pm. I TRIED EVERYTHING to keep him awake. Nothing worked. In fact, he just hit his sleepy stage right now. I don't know how to keep him awake without violently shaking him, which I obviously wouldn't do.  He did a lot better the first week, but for some reason he's been sleeping so much during the day, and less and less at night. Last night I had to hold him on my stomach so he would sleep. The minute I put him down he would wake up. I also think I want to try having him sleep on his tummy. Do any of you moms put your little ones on their tummy to sleep? My mom always put all of her kids on her tummy. 

Silly boy... wake up! 

Well, those are my thoughts for today. Off to try and wake up this boy!