12 Weeks

I started the monthly pictures last night. 

Here I am at 12 weeks. 

I wanted to try a different location, but there aren't many options in our little apartment.

I also wanted to try a different shirt, but I think black shows the growth the best.

THOUGHTS AT 12 WEEKS:

-I feel huge. I know I shouldn't compare to my pregnancy with Curtis, (especially because I was still performing, taking class, and teaching several hours every day) but it's hard not to compare. I know most women show sooner with each pregnancy, I just didn't think it would be this soon. Believe me, I was even trying to suck my stomach in! It's been harder to get out and exercise lately, especially because we've been sick several times this last month. The ironic thing is that I don't weigh a whole lot more than I did at this point with Curtis...but I sure do look it. 

-I have been much sicker this time around. I avoided nausea medication for several weeks, but after at least 2 or 3 weeks of not being able to make it a day without vomiting, and not being able to do hardly anything, I caved and got some pills. They helped a lot, but some of the side effects have been very unpleasant. I've been trying to get off of them, but I still get pretty sick at night, so it's been a little tough. With Curtis I was sick for about 2 weeks, then it was gone. I keep telling myself that perhaps I'm having a girl (even though I know every pregnancy can be different no matter the gender). 

-I have switched from an OB to a midwife clinic. My experience with an OB was okay; nothing horrible, but not what I want this next time around. I have already fallen in love with the midwife clinic, and the midwives I have seen at my appointments. It is so much more comfortable being around women, and it just makes sense to me. Obviously I know every woman and pregnancy are different, but for me, as long as I have healthy pregnancies, I will always go to a midwife. They don't rush you, they are so helpful, they know what you are experiencing. My experience with an OB was always rushed, always impersonal, and quite often awkward. I also felt like I had a lot of unnecessary interventions at the hospital. I may not have a natural birth this time, but I still want my body to be able to progress naturally. No pitocin and episiotomies!

-I've felt a little guilty about how little I have recorded events of this pregnancy. This blog has taken the place of my journal (which is both good and bad) and as a result I haven't even written in my journal about it. It's been much different for me this time around. I am very excited for a new baby, it's just different when I've been through it before. Having Curtis keeps me occupied and I don't find myself thinking about my pregnancy every minute of every day. Sometimes I feel guilty about that. I never want this baby to feel like I wasn't as excited to have them as I was to have Curtis. I know I will love this baby just as much as I love Curtis. 

-I've felt much less anxiety to "get ready" for this baby. After having Curtis I know what we really needed and what we didn't really need. The truth is that you don't need very much to have a baby. I've felt much more peaceful knowing we are already prepared for a new baby; although if we're having a girl I might change my mind and end up freaking out about all the things we need. hahaha. 

-I am treasuring this time with Curtis. I still can't believe my baby is almost 20 months old. He's nearly too big to snuggle on my lap, and my growing belly is only going to make it harder. Lately I've been rocking him to sleep at night (when he'll actually fall asleep in my arms) and I'll hold him for a long, long time. I'm really going to miss having the one-on-one time I have with him. 

-At the same time I am so excited for Curtis to be a big brother. I can't wait to see him interact with the new baby. I can't wait for our children to grow and learn and talk and be able to do things as a family. As much as I cherish these days of little babies, I am really excited for my children to grow up. 

-I am grateful for the timing of this pregnancy. Mike finishes school in August, which means he will have much more available time when the baby gets here. I'm not sure if I could have made it through the summer with him working full-time and being a full-time student. 

-I want my sister-in-laws to have babies! :)

-I'm very grateful for Mike who has been so patient with me this pregnancy. I have not been the happiest woman lately, and I certainly haven't been a good cook! He is so helpful and sweet, especially when he is so busy. I love you Mike!