There really are no words to accurately express the emotions I'm feeling right now.
Feelings are so hard to explain.
Today I put away the picture of our little baby.
I cried as I put it in my journal.
There are so many questions.
So many emotions...
Today I put away the picture of our little baby.
I cried as I put it in my journal.
There are so many questions.
So many emotions...
Sadness
Anger
Shock
Hope
Fear
Gratitude
Envy
Denial
Eagerness
Confirmation
Frustration
Uncertainty
Happiness
Mostly I feel a combination of all of these things,
which gets too overwhelming and impossible to handle at once.
And most of the time I feel nothing.
Just empty.
You just never know what will happen tomorrow.
You never know.
I often think "that won't happen to me"
But it can always happen.
My mom had 8 babies and only miscarried before her very last baby.
I guess I never thought I'd have 2 right away.
It's hard not to feel like it was my fault.
Something I did.
Something I ate.
Something I forgot.
How could I not feel that way?
But then I say, "It's not me"
I have a beautiful perfect little boy, and I didn't do anything differently.
I know Heavenly Father is at the helm.
He has a plan for me.
He has a plan for my children.
So now I just have to wait.
Wait until I'm ready to take another leap of faith.
I just pray that next time I don't fall in the middle of the leap.
I'd sure like to finish the leap next time.
Love you Rachel! Thanks for sharing your emotions and feelings! I know that it must have been very hard! You are so strong and I know that the Lord will help you, bless you and comfort you! I can't wait to see you next week so that I can give you a big hug!
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you Rachel for expressing your feelings. I love you and look up to you so much. Sometimes its hard when the Lord's timeline doesn't match up with you own. I know that there are lots of amazing spirits up there waiting to join your family
ReplyDeleteRachel, I'm so sorry. I appreciate your words. You are such an amazing, faithful woman and I'm sure (as Tregani said) that there are lots of beautiful spirits waiting to join your family. And they are lucky because your family is pretty amazing. You definitely didn't do anything wrong to make this happen. It's in the Lord's hands. Of course, that doesn't take away the heartache, so hang in there. Sending love to your family.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Rachel, I know there is nothing that can really be said but you are in my prayers and thoughts!
ReplyDeleteRach, my heart aches for you. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers at this time. Love you!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have to go through this Rachel. You are amazing. And I too am grateful that you shared your feelings. I have been thinking a lot about Emma Smith recently, and how much she went through. What an amazing example of Faith. You are like her...strong and faithful.
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for you. There really are no words to express how you feel after something like this. Hang in there. I am praying for you and your comfort.
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