I am overwhelmed. It's only the 2nd day of classes but I feel so much anxiety and stress. I'm teaching a new class this semester; a fusion ballet/contemporary class. I'm doubting my ability to do it. I've been teaching ballet for the past 2 years, and I feel very stale in my contemporary movement abilities. For some reason I've never felt very good at creating new and original movement. It is very difficult for me. I just hope I'm able to do better as I get more used to it. It was only the first day today and I'm already feeling so insecure and inadequate. I'm not quite sure why they wanted me to teach the class. Maybe they made a mistake.
I'm also working a lot longer than last semester. MWF I teach only from 12-1:30pm, but TTh I teach from 12-5pm. I don't know how so many mothers out there can handle working full-time. I know most of those who do don't really have a choice, but I still don't know how they do it. If we didn't need extra income right now, since Mike is in school, I would be home full-time without a second thought. Being gone from Curtis for more than 5 hours a day is already extremely hard for me.
Last night as I was getting Curtis ready for bed I just snuggled him and told him I was sorry that I had to go to work. I don't want to have to go to work. I hate being away from him. I couldn't help but cry. We had a very sweet moment together. He was very calm and looked up at me straight in the eyes for a few minutes. He has a very mature spirit. He gently touched my face and just smile up at me. Almost as if saying, "it's okay mom, I love you, and I know it'll only be for a few months." I love that little boy so much more than I could ever describe. I look forward to the day when I will be able to stay home all day with him.
I know I shouldn't wish time away, but April 20th is sounding really nice right about now....
you are too sweet. i'm sure you will look back on this time as an incredible period of growth in your dancing skills and as a mother... you are amazing. i was just reading today about how to inspire creativity and passion-and they emphasized writing (or in this case-dancing) about what you love and are passionate about. so maybe you can use your love for curtis as an inspiration for your choreography? i'm clueless at this stuff-but totally cheering you on! you are amazing- and i'm sure you will do amazing things. keep it up beautiful girl!
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt that they chose the right person to teach that class. I just try to remember every day that every little thing happens for a reason and nothing is by accident. Just remember that. Things will get better and be thankful its only for a few more months, right? I know the feeling of being poor. It really sucks. Really really sucks. lol!! Like not even being able to buy our own food type of poor... sucks!! lol. Oh well, with the gospel, anything is possible and life is all good. Try to stay positive. It will be over soon.
ReplyDeletemaybe that is why Curtis was blessed with such a mild and easy going temperment.... to try to ease this situation and probably some to come. He wont remember this... I promise :)
ReplyDeleteoh rachel! i know it's so hard for you to leave him. just as you realized in that special moment, he understands. he is so precious.
ReplyDeleteand you don't have to worry about your class at all. it is so fantastic, we all love coming!
if anything, you should just bring him. goodness knows you'd have enough eyes to keep on him ;)