Dear Diary

Life is looking up. I find myself feeling more and more hopeful and excited about the future. I feel like I'm slowly forgetting what happened just a few short weeks ago. I know I'll never really forget it, but I'm not thinking about it every minute of every day anymore. This is definitely a blessing. I'm in love with the sunshine we've been having. It's hard to feel gloomy when it's so beautiful. 

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At certain moments I feel twinges of sadness, even anger, about the miscarriage. I feel that everyone around me  is pregnant and having babies. I feel like everyone has forgotten, which is probably true as I sometimes forget. I feel really sad that Curtis will be nearly 3 by the time he has a little playmate (which means he'll really be 4 by the time he actually has someone to "play" with). I know 3 years isn't incredibly long, but it is when there are no other siblings or cousins to play with. I was only 18 months older than my closest brother, and I loved it. It's hard for me to accept that Curtis' next sibling won't be as close in age. They won't be in junior high or high school together. And our goal of having children every "even" year isn't going to happen now. It's hard to accept that our "plans" aren't going the way we thought they would. 

But baby-making woes aside, Mike got a promotion at work! Meaning, he basically got another position within the company. Better job + more money = great news! I am so proud of him for working so hard. I am really grateful to be married to a man who sets goals, works towards them, and achieves everything he puts his mind to.

Curtis is changing and growing up so fast. He's (finally) started saying more words and is able to communicate much better. He is always busy with something, which honestly wears me out some days, but he definitely makes life wonderful. He is growing so big and tall and I still find myself just watching him, like I did when he was just a little baby. I love watching him learn and experience new things. And, as I continue to realize, I love him more each day.  

And, all things considered, I am doing really well. I'm looking forward to our family beach trip in August, and using it as a motivator to get in better shape. I'm excited to be able to fully participate on the trip (family runs, boating, etc). I would have been 34 weeks pregnant and definitely not able to do much...and possibly not even able to go on the trip. Because we have such a large family we haven't been back to the beach in 5 years. I grew up going every summer so it's been hard not being able to go back recently. So yeah, if I would have had to miss it I would have been really sad. I'd say it's certainly a blessing, as silly as it may sound.

I'm in SimpleSpacing mode these days. I did our closet a few weeks ago, and I've been doing smaller projects around the house. It's amazing how good it feels to know exactly what's in your house, where it is, and what its purpose is. It feels even better to get rid of unnecessary objects. I'm always amazed at how little we really need to be live a happy and fulfilling life.  

We are considering moving this summer. We thought we would stay in our little apartment until we are ready to buy a house, but we're considering other options. It came as a rather sudden idea, but as we thought more about it we are thinking it might be the best thing. I think there is greater reason I've been feeling the need to SimpleSpace our home. I also think there is a reason I have been feeling a need for change. This would certainly be a big change. More to come on this once we've made our decision. 

And that's that. Happy Monday!