First off, this is not a woe is me post. I am happy and life is good. It truly is. And for the record, I do have friends. I have some of the best friends in the world (if only they'd all come back to Utah already)!
The other night Mike and I were chatting about the cyber-world we live in, and what it will be like for our kids to grow up in a technology-obsessed world. We chatted first about the dangers (literally) of cell phones and wifi and how they haven't been around long enough for us to really know the affects they are having on our brains and bodies and on our childrens' brains and bodies (but I suppose that is another post for another day). After chatting about how cell phones are probably going to give everyone cancer we moved on to discuss how smart-phones are actually making people socially stupid.
I wake up in the morning and the very first thing I do before anything else is check my phone. I check my email first, then Instagram, then Facebook. Usually in the middle of those three apps I see a posts by @bom365 on my insta-feed that reminds me to read my scriptures. Yay! Social media just reminded me to "read" my scriptures for 5 minutes before resuming my mindless Facebook scroll. I don't give myself time to think my own thoughts, or meditate on the day before me. I don't remember to pray, and I usually get irritated that my kids are awake already. I don't get out of bed to kiss my husband goodbye, and I don't make him breakfast or see him off at the door.
But I connected with the world. I checked in with my friends. Oh and I'm be sure to post a picture of my life so everyone can see the exciting life I'm living.
After spending 10-15 minutes on my phone, all while my boys are playing on the floor next to me, I begrudgingly roll out of bed and start the day. I make the bed, help Curtis make his, change Evan's diaper, and we make our way downstairs for breakfast. I make Curtis oatmeal and smash a banana for Evan. I' pull out my phone and turn on LDS primary songs on YouTube. We listen and sing while having breakfast and we have a great time together. I do a load of laundry during breakfast time and make sure the kitchen is clean after the kids eat. After breakfast I turn on PBS kids for Curtis while Evan and I head upstairs to get ready for the day.
Generally we don't have a set schedule. Our days involve me doing house work, updating the budget, organizing different rooms, etc. Evan naps around 10am and Mike gets home after 7pm. Around 12pm Mike and I will usually exchange a text or two, and I'll usually text or receive one from my mom some time during the day. We run errands, go to the bank, grocery shop, occasionally visit the library, visit my mom, and I teach dance on Tuesday and Thursday to a small class of 8-11 year olds. We watch more tv than we should I and don't venture outdoors very much these days.
99.9% of our week is spent at home, inside, away from others. I often go 2-3 days without leaving the house, and I definitely go much longer than that without having anyone outside of our family in our home. All the while I have my phone in my pocket and I check Instagram and Facebook several times a day. I certainly wouldn't want to miss a call or a text from all the people that try to get in touch with me every day. Oh wait. Scratch that.
I have 918 Facebook friends, but I don't have friends. And that is the truth.
Mike and I continued our chat about the "good old days" in high school when there wasn't Facebook, or Instagram, or smart phones. Heck, I didn't even have a cell phone until college. Mike and I called each other on the real phone to talk. We actually hung out with real people, did things together, and talked. Yes, talked! What was that like?!
I am tired of this life; tired of the false sense of social connection. How is it that I have 918 Facebook friends and yet I can go an entire week without one of those friends ever calling me, checking in on me, or wanting to spend time with me? How can I go an entire week without reaching out to my own friends in real interactive and tangible ways? Social media and smart phones make us feel connected, needed, and wanted. They make us feel like we have people who are interested in our lives. We share our lives with the world but still feel alone. We are losing the ability to really socialize. We "socialize" without ever leaving our homes, without making eye contact, and truthfully without really communicating at all.
Smart phones are making us socially stupid. And I've had enough. I don't want my kids growing up in this socially stupid, technology obsessed world. I don't want them seeing me on my phone all day. I don't want them to ever think that my phone life is a priority. I don't want them seeing their family and friends glued to a screen all the time. I don't want them to forego real relationships because social media gives them a false sense of interaction.
So, here's to a year filled with more real relationships, real conversation, and real living.
And my #1 goal for 2014 is to put down my phone and live.
I am tired of this life; tired of the false sense of social connection. How is it that I have 918 Facebook friends and yet I can go an entire week without one of those friends ever calling me, checking in on me, or wanting to spend time with me? How can I go an entire week without reaching out to my own friends in real interactive and tangible ways? Social media and smart phones make us feel connected, needed, and wanted. They make us feel like we have people who are interested in our lives. We share our lives with the world but still feel alone. We are losing the ability to really socialize. We "socialize" without ever leaving our homes, without making eye contact, and truthfully without really communicating at all.
Smart phones are making us socially stupid. And I've had enough. I don't want my kids growing up in this socially stupid, technology obsessed world. I don't want them seeing me on my phone all day. I don't want them to ever think that my phone life is a priority. I don't want them seeing their family and friends glued to a screen all the time. I don't want them to forego real relationships because social media gives them a false sense of interaction.
So, here's to a year filled with more real relationships, real conversation, and real living.
And my #1 goal for 2014 is to put down my phone and live.
Oh Rach, your daily life sounds pretty much like mine. Almost to a T. Ha ha. I've had very similar thoughts about this very thing. You know, I even tried an experiment one time because I was getting pretty lonely and wanted some interaction with someone, so I texted about 8 of my "really close" friends and said, "hey give me a call". Not one of them did, nor did they even get back to me by text. I feel like with all this social media we feel we already know what's going on with people so we don't need to really take the time and catch up, but I also think a lot of people post almost a "fake"life on line just to show people how awesome their life is when in reality things may not be as they seem and they really want some actual human interaction. Anyway, I think a lot of us are guilty of "living"on our phones. I'm going to try to put down my phone more too. Thanks for your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI seriously feel like you just described my life too! I have been thinking a lot about it lately and keep trying to break the cell phone habit, but it is a hard one. I feel that if I don't have my phone on me, I won't be able to snap a picture or video of the kids and we might miss something to document. When in reality I am probably missing so much more by being on my phone way too much. It is also my goal to decrease time spent on social media and try to be me social in real life! :)
ReplyDeleteDitto above. I do the exact same thing each morning. And as for leaving the house-- well, let's just say this winter has been a rough one. There are entire weeks where I don't leave except for church on Sunday and then somewhere on Saturday once Mark is home. I also feel like I don't have any friends in my life-- but that's probably because I really don't out here! All my friends are back west. I have been thinking a lot lately too about how I wish we could rewind and go back to before the age of the smartphone and tablets and everything mobile. I don't want my kids to grow up that way, but there's no way to prevent it. All of their friends are going to have iPods and phones at such young ages, I can already see it. And I hate how it's affected me! I actually feel awkward now when I'm waiting somewhere in public-- like in a doctor's waiting room, or on the subway platform, or in line at the grocery store-- if I'm not scrolling through something on my phone! How awful is that? Just standing and doing nothing but thinking has become an anomaly. One of my main goals for 2014 is to leave my phone on the shelf in the kitchen and only check it if I hear a text from Mark. If I'm being honest, it hasn't been going so well... but I'm determined to get there. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! (I love Hands Free Mama blog about this topic, too.)
ReplyDeleteYour day looks a lot like mine. I have been feeling and thinking about this so much lately. It's incredibly frustrating to the point where Phil and I have made a rule that we aren't allowed to DO anything, not homework, phone, fb, etc until we have read our Scriptures for the day. We end up spending the evening (at least lately) watching the olympics and on our laptops... right next to each other... liking and commenting on each other's posts. I said this exact thing... I have "friends" and yet talk to none of them. If it weren't for me being in school I honestly wouldn't have a conversation with another human besides my husband ever. It's sad. Thank you for this post! I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggles with this.. Funny thing, I always thought to myself when you would post, "I bet Rachel isn't addicted to social media like I am, she doesn't post very often, she's so disciplined and such a good mom!" When you post I look forward to it, and that's the catch. Even though we never see anyone or talk to anyone, I feel connected to people who I wouldn't normally be connected with. I toy with cutting myself off of social media all the time and every single time I get to this same conclusion. I think we should start a 'hang out with REAL people in REAL life' club!
ReplyDeleteRachel glad you recognized this! I have been struggling with this reality for years and finally decided to do something about it this year. I am no longer on Facebook, which means I actually have to make more effort in my friendships. I also got off Instagram. I am still addicted to Pinterest and blogging though. However my scripture and prayer time has improved and I find I am happier. God and Family are so much more important than media, so I hope you can find resolutions or set some goals. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI think about these things all the time. I have found that it is so hard to make friends wherever we live and the main reason is because nobody does anything! I'll go outside with my kids and not see a single person. Or if I do, they have headphones in their ears or be staring straight down at their phone without ever looking up to say hello. Life was so much better in high school when we didn't have all these distractions. But part of the problem is that it's so integrated in everyone's lives that even if we manage to rid it from our own lives, it's still distracting everyone else around us which still makes us alone. I just hope I can figure out how to teach my kids to have real relationships with other people.
ReplyDeleteSee all these people who have the same day as you- get together! Playdates at homes, parks, aquarium, Bean museum, Thanksgiving Point, date night swaps, mommy institute, lunch bunch rotating at each others houses, a small once a week preschool swap for Curtis, etc. I remember feeling lonely sometimes when the girls were a little bit younger, and especially in winter, so we made up stuff to do with friends from the ward, or neighborhood, or school, or work. I totally get what you say about social media though and agree! But use it to your advantage! Use social media- Facebook, emails, instagram- to set up things to do and people to meet! I hope it works out and you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteThis totally resonated with me! I deactivated my facebook a month ago for the very reasons you shared and I feel like a burden has been lifted. I never felt good/satisfied after being on Facebook and yet I was addicted to it, it would frequently pop into my mind. Speaking with, being with, writing a heart felt letter/email is so much more fulfilling than mindlessly scrolling through Facebook.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!